Grammar and the structures of sentences had my head spinning in elementary school. Nouns and verbs were the easiest to identify, especially proper names and action words. As if learning what each part of the sentence structure weren’t challenging enough for me, I then found out that the same word used in a different way might have a different part to play. Arrrr! How was I ever going to get that straight?
Fast forward, I’ve been out of elementary school for, well…a number of years now. While I don’t think about sentence structures during the course of each day, I have been noodling over a particular word for several weeks and wondered if it is most used as a noun or a verb. What does it look like as a noun and what does it look like as a verb?
Let me tell you a story:
Janie and Amy have been friends for years. Both ladies have had some personal troubles and stresses going on in their lives. Amy found out that Janie told some very personal information about her to a mutual friend. Rather than going to Janie about the incident, Amy retaliated on social media by posting some unpleasant personal information about Janie. Now both Amy and Janie are hurting because of choices each had made.
This is a story that is active and alive. Just change the names and situation, and I’m sure you or someone you know has experienced a similar scenario.
The word, forgiveness by definition is a noun and is defined as the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. According to Wikipedia, it is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.
The Million Dollar Question:
What needs to take place in order for these two friends to reconcile? What have you done that has worked? What hasn’t?
Here are a few scenerios:
1) Amy goes to Janie and tells her about the hurt and waits for Janie to apologize. Janie tells Amy she is so sorry for the hurt caused and asks for forgiveness. Amy says she forgives Janie, but weeks later the two friends still have not spoken. Amy does not say she is sorry or asked for forgiveness for the hurt she caused Janie. Rather Amy holds Janie hostage as someone who can’t be trusted.
Is forgiveness a noun or a verb?
Is the relationship restored?
2) Both Amy and Janie feel they are the victim and refuse the accept or admit their part in the conflict. Rather they each hold on to the hurt that transcends into hours of discussing the issue with others and lay awake a night feeling anxious. Amy and Janie are waiting for the other person to “make a move”. After months pass, the two run into each other. Janie makes an apology to Amy and Amy says she has already forgiven her, however, Amy stands afar and seems cold toward Janie.
Is forgiveness a noun or a verb?
Is the relationship restored?
3) Amy goes to Janie and tells her about the hurt, but goes on to say that she is sorry for any hurt she may have caused that led up to the incident. Amy also apologies for the hurtful things she put on social media and asks for forgiveness. Janie tells Amy that she did indeed hurt her, but is sorry she took it to someone else rather than coming to her first and talking it out. Both Amy and Janie confide in each other of their shortcomings and brokenness. Both parties confess that they had contributed to the conflict, asked for forgiveness and to restore the friendship. They met for coffee a week later and are back to laughing and talking about the issues of life.
Is forgiveness a noun or a verb?
Is the relationship restored?
Now What?
I think too many times, forgiveness is used as the noun. It makes sense to me that since it requires action, it should be a verb. People “say” they forgive, but then want nothing to do with the person afterwards. As a believer, the vertical direction between me and God is easier. I confess my sins and He forgives (at least I hope). The Horizontal direction is much more difficult. Forgiveness between people is complicated by our own selfish desires rather than living out Christ’s direction of forgiveness. God is love, but God is just. It frightens me to think that God won’t forgive me if I hold my brothers and sisters hostage for their sins. It’s easy to think it’s justified when hurts are deep, however, that’s not what we are called to do. True forgiveness shouldn’t be hard. The truth is we want to place ourselves above all others and claim innocence. As far as I know, there was only one perfect person who walked the Earth.
Forgiveness is freedom. Holding onto hurts is self-destructive. When we offend someone, we are called to apologize, ask for forgiveness and try to restore the relationship. When too much time has passed, what occurs is bitterness, resentment and awkwardness. And, when someone asks for forgiveness, it’s important to acknowledge the hurt that was caused to them by the other party. The Word speaks very clearly about forgiveness:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others of their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” ~ Matthew 6:14-15
“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but swelling on it separate close friends.” ~ Proverbs 17:9
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4:32
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” ~ Matthew 5:44
We are called to pray for those who hurt us. Why? So our heart will become tender and loving, not dark and hardened.
So, I ask you. What is forgiveness? Is it a noun or a verb?