I was not equipped to deal with anger or conflict. My “Leave it to Beaver” homelife was joyful memories. If my parents had disagreements, they surely never discussed it within the family. I did, however, witness my father giving “the business” to projects or vehicles he worked on. My mother called it the Bush Temper as if it was a contagious virus we need to watch out for. “He’s got the Bush Temper; you’d better look out!” I may have demonstrated some of that in my earlier days, however, I suppose I’ve mellowed in my older years….or have I? This world of herbalism has opened my mind to other ways of thinking about my body, my emotions, and my spirit.
Anger is an emotion that is looked as being negative or wicked and must not be shown, especially among women. Women who displayed anger, was deemed a witch…or something close. Sometime along my life’s journey, I began to stuff down my anger, smile, and pretend life is good. I’m not exactly sure when that period of time happened. I have my suspensions, but that story is for another time. Anger is not attractive. It’s stressful. It’s ugly. It’s uncomfortable, and like a “good girl” I tried to make things seem better than they really were. I stayed optimistic, smiley, and seemingly joyful. “Let’s look at the bright side….” In an older post, Smoke and Mirrors, I reflect on ways we wear masks to cover up what’s really going on inside our personal life. Why?
Why do we allow this emotion to sabotage our health? Holding onto any negative emotion will negate health. The liver is the holder of anger. Heat arises in the liver and bursts of anger will come forth. It’s said that those that spout off in anger has excessive liver heat and working to cool that organ will help the person be less reactive in anger. How the anger is expressed is what make it scary or not. A volatile person can be frightening, which is why I think anger gets a bad deal in the emotional realm. Not all anger is bad.
Psalms 69 is an expression of anger experienced by David. He calls out expressing how tired he is and how he feels like he is being swallowed up by floods of water. He further states that his enemies hate him and want to destroy him. He then, in verse 24 asks God to pour out His wrath on them, charge them with crime upon crime and not let them share in salvation, but blot them out of the book of life. Then, David asks God to protect him and David’s words become praise words. His heart softens and seems to let go of his anger.
It is reassuring for me to read and know that it’s perfectly fine to be angry, to say words that aren’t nice as a means of allowing this emotion to work its way through the mind, body, and spirit. Words are powerful but remember words can be hurtful. I was reminded to take my anger to God and allow Him to sort it out. Whew! What a relief.
Recently, I’ve been seeing an acupuncturist, who is working to relieve some pain I’ve been having in my lower back, which I chalked up to my dental hygiene occupation. Chinese medicine looks at the whole body, not just parts. It’s what I love most about alternative ways of healing. After listening to my pulse, she told me my liver is holding onto blood and not allowing it to go to my heart. Her next question left me in awe. “Are you holding onto anger?” She went on to say the heart is the Emperor and in charge of the emotions and spirit. It is important to move this anger through and out of my body to allow for healing. One way of doing that is to scream. Yes, scream. My healing journey is to yell and scream outside, in a pillow, or wherever I can that won’t alarm the neighbors.
When I consider the timing of my pain with what was going on in my life, it makes sense; and yes, I’m positive I held my cards and emotions close to me. Now it’s time to move them through me as they are not serving me. As a matter of fact, they are hurting me. It’s important to move negative emotions though the body as quickly as possible, otherwise, our body acts to protect us and will store them where there is space…knees, hips, vertebra. That takes practice, but mostly it’s the awareness of that emotion and processing it appropriately.
Now I wonder how many other people are holding onto anger? If you are unsure, try screaming a few times. It’s been so long since I screamed, I couldn’t at first. My throat and voice sent out a small screech. I laughed at the inability, but then after a few attempts belted out a good loud scream. I’ve been screaming every couple of days just to make sure I don’t lose the ability. After each scream follows a laugh.
There is spirit medicine in herbalism that can assist the body in moving emotions through. It’s really quite fascinating to just sit and be with a plant ally. This world of herbalism just keeps getting better and better.