Each year a word chooses me as the focus for the next 12 months. As I reflect on the new word, I begin to visualize the impact it can have over the course of the new year. It begins to take shape in my thoughts and beliefs as I let go of my control over it. What I want it to mean isn’t necessarily what will manifest. The year 2020 was difficult for many people even beyond the pandemic. Me included. My life was turned upside down and shaken. During those dark days, I wondered if I was lost, but then a new path begin to emerge.
My word last year was “flow.” It came to me at the start of 2020, and it served me well. Last year, in all of its challenges, it was necessary for me to circle back to the word: flow. It reminded me to stop dwelling on what I could not control. It reminded me open my heart, eyes, and mind to other possibilities. It reminded me that seasons in life change. Relationships change. The difficulties, especially in relationships, gave me the opportunity to evaluate my own beliefs. I began to wonder why I react to situations so poorly. I soon realized that I live in my heart rather than my mind. I react emotionally rather than logically. Could this be a muscle that needs exercise? As a chronic people pleaser, I seldom use my voice to express my own desires. Rather, my own voice was silenced for the sake of other’s desires. This “dance” became my default system. Whenever the going got tough, I shut down. My voice was on mute, and I emotionally fled the situation…hoping never to return to sort it out. It’s not easy to exercise weak muscles. It hurts and it’s hard! It’s easier to just keep doing the same things.
The key for me is to be aware of my default, which is to be quiet and flee. I have now placed steps into my practice to gain strength in this area. One of which is to not react, but to respond in a loving way while using my voice. Rather than fleeing, I’m choosing to respond by seeking to understand the other person’s perspective, stay present and talk it through. I now understand as I flowed last year, that relationships that I once held close, are different. As I look to this year, the word, BELIEVE was given to me by my massage therapist. She said when she saw that word, she thought of me. A simple, yet powerful word. The definition of believe is this: 1) accept as true; feel sure of the truth; 2) hold (something) as an opinion; think or suppose.
Each day, I seek to reflect on what this word may bring to my life in 2021. I believe in a God who seeks a relationship beyond my understanding and one that I will fail to return adequately. Believing in a life that is generous and good even with the difficulties it brings, is where I’m choosing to focus. I’m believing the people in my life, that I truly care for, will respond in love. I’m believing the hearts of mankind will open in love toward other’s needs rather than their own. I’m choosing to believe that the things that happen to me are for my own good, even if I don’t understand them. I want to believe that everything will be okay. That people will be kind. The world will experience peace and tranquility. The logical mind and the emotional heart will be at odds. I suppose somewhere there is a delicate balance. This year, may you experience love, peace, and the belief that you matter to someone.