How would a day of “yes” unfold? In a recent conversation with my friend, Angela, she confided to me the word, yes, had come to her mind as if today she was to say, “Yes” to whatever came to pass. During that same conversation, she shared an experience of negative speech within a group of friends. Dominating the conversation, the naysayer would not hear of anything except what she believed to be true. There seemed to be no negotiating or even an attempt to hear another perspective. In the end, she felt drained. Do you know someone like this? I hope it’s not you. This isn’t about being a “yes person” or feeling pressured to do things we don’t want to do. It’s about having courage and conviction to the things we really want to do.
In his book, The Power of Intention, Wayne Dwyer explains that many of us walk around life looking for ways to be offended. Rather than first seeking to understand and responding, not reacting, people stand firm in their position and argue their point. It’s been my experience that the more a speaker tries to convince the other person their perspective is the correct one, the more the listener stands their ground. Listening to understand is a valuable tool in relationship building, although recently, I’ve encountered those who would rather fight and be right instead of listening to understand. Dr. Dwyer suggests simply not embarking in the conflict, rather simply say, “Wow, that’s an interesting perspective.” And then move on.
According to Tony Schwartz, writer and chief executive of The Energy Project, “No” is first and foremost a fear response. It’s useful in dangerous situations, such as to protect a 3-year old who is about to jump off a table. These are times that no serves us well, however, the other times “no” polarizes and prompts defensiveness and shuts down connection. Negativity can be a potent poison, and its effects are long lasting.
In contrast, starting with “yes” energizes and creates safety, trust, and fuels creativity. It can also build relationships in both our work and personal life. When a leader starts with a “no” he shuts down others. What that “no” conveys is “I don’t value what you’re saying.” Because fear and anger live so close to the top, that word “no” comes out without even realizing it. Negativity is like cancer. It can eat a person up and hurt those around us. The word, “Yes” builds community while the word, “No” divides it. The word “Yes” leads to more doors opening. Employers want a team player and someone willing to take chances with new ideas. Other reasons to say, “Yes” are:
· opportunities do not always come around again—you may miss out
· life is richer, creative and more vibrant
· it attracts positivity
Life if short. Ask not why, but why not?